I cannot thank all of my friends and family that hosted us over the 5 weeks we spent in Texas nearly enough for the food, laughs, late nights, playdates, shopping trips, coffee dates, Sonic runs, birthday gifts, and... most of all... for taking time out of your very busy summer just to visit with us, hug our necks, and say, "Hi!" You know who you are.. and I love you all.
The ONLY thing that could have possibly made our 5 weeks any better, was if Mother Nature had cooperated with a nice long Texas thunder storm, preferably at night. <sigh>
But, this post isn't about all the fun we had.
It isn't about all the things we did.
It isn't even a tribute to all the wonderful BBQ, Mexican food, and pork shoulder we ate....
Nope. This post is an attempt to tell the story of the 20 or so hours that was our departure from Texas back to the UAE. It's one of those stories that you just can't make up.. and it should be told. So, grab your favorite cuppa and sit a bit.
Our flight out of Dallas was not until 7 PM which means that we really needed to be at the airport by 4 PM since it's an international flight. My friend, Kim, had come over a week prior so we could "dry fit" my 8 (yes, EIGHT) hard-sided suitcases, 4 backpacks, and 4 personal items plus 5 people (me, the 3 kids, and herself) all in her SUV. It was a tight fit, but completely "do-able". We agreed that she'd squeeze us in her "chauffeur schedule" at 2:30 pm on the day of departure; she's a baseball mom... we all know how crazy that's been recently... and she had to be back for her kids by 5:30 pm that day!
So, our day of departure started out fantastic.
The kid's vacation Rx fills had come through without incident at the pharmacy and were ready for pick-up. I'd remembered to fill both the cars I was leaving behind ready for the house-sitter to drive around the block once or twice a month (& I didn't pocket the keys!) I had managed to successfully pack all 8 suitcases (under weight limit, no less) the night before and had already (carefully) slid them down the stairs where they were lined up like little soldiers ready for deployment.
I took the kids for a final run through McDonald's for their favorite pork breakfast sausage. I even had time to have an hour's visit and coffee with a dear friend. To top it all off... Kim arrived 5 minutes early! We packed her car, said a tearful goodbye to the dogs, and were off. I hadn't forgot a single thing!
I should have known then that it was all going too smoothly.
It was all "too good to be true"....
The first indicator should have been that we were TOO early. Yes, that's possible.
The airline we were flying doesn't run all day so the check-in counter was not yet open. We used a porter and two trolleys to pile up the assorted luggage, and make our way to a bank of seats in view of the "cattle rails" preceding the counter. About 20 minutes in, I realized that the area was filling up fast and the other passengers were starting to line up. In an attempt to NOT be the very last people in line, I had the kids help me maneuver the trolleys into place; now we wait.
I should have worn more comfortable shoes. If you've flown recently, then you know how much of a hassle security has become these days. Not only do they x-ray your bags, but you must remove your shoes AND any electronics (from bags & purses) and send them through separately. This includes e-readers, and in strict cases, iPods & cell phones. I and each of my kids have a computer, phone, and e-reader. EACH of us. We also wear shoes.... I'm not even going to mention the little ziploc baggie of lipgloss, lipstick, mascara, lotion, silly putty, whatever gel/liquid/cream we all think we can NOT go the duration of a flight without. So, I chose my shoes based on the ease in which I can take them on and off... basically, not using my hands. Of course, I do have a little vanity, so they had to also match my outfit.
I like to wear black pants and a dark patterned shirt on the plane. It hides so much, you know. Especially on these long flights where you know you will be eating more than just nuts or crackers inflight... and helping kids do the same. Seriously. Dark is the way to go. So, I had to wear the black mules. They were a little higher than I usually like, but I can use all the height I can get. What I hadn't taken into account was the lack of cushion in this particular pair... They were on discount for a reason, I'm sure; I should have known then.....
So, there we are standing in line... with no counter agents in sight... at least 400 pounds of luggage between (and on) us.. and I'm in heels.
I noticed this very long, long line of luggage in assorted sizes (and states of duress) set neatly down the side of our "cattle rails"... and there were 2 men (with no luggage) standing at the front of our line. I was three turns back in the zig-zag that makes up the wait line. As the 3 counter agents arrived and started up their computers, the 2 men were joined by no less that 15 other people. Four families traveling together had used the two men as "place holders". They quickly took up all three agents' locations. Then the real fun started.
The luggage was NOT sorted by family. Nor had they pre-weighed it for the 50 lb limit. The next 30 minutes was spent in a kind of wild circus of shouts and open baggage (all across the available floor space) as the four families found, opened, rearranged, reweighed, reopened, and rearranged again their assorted to-be-checked bags. Even from my vantage point near the back, I saw clothing I didn't want to see go flying between cases. I should have taken pictures, but sometimes you just can't look away.... not even to take a photo. Still, we've all been there right? I should have known then....
Did I mention that I kinda forgot to feed the kids and myself lunch? Yeah, THAT was the one thing I forgot...
So the kids are starting to get a bit... whiny. They are hungry and the line is NOT moving. I had packed snacks, but they devoured them pretty fast. Finally, we get up to the counter and I hand over our passports. Our seats checked out fine and all the checked bags are just under the weight limit (only 2 were truly making me sweat it). We did have to move a few things from one carry on to another (I didn't even know they weigh carry on bags these days), but it was nothing like the previous guys!
Off to security!!!
I need to brag on my kids; they are practically experts at airport security. They even try to talk and joke with the agents. Seriously, they know the drill and are amazingly fast. They are, however, just kids... hungry kids, at this point. So, they are short with each other and we experience a slight hiccup on the "collection" side of the x-ray machine. Basically, one kid was "helping" a little too enthusiastically and had already pickup up the other's phone, but dropped it in the wrong backpack. We had a moment's scare, but all was well in the end.
As luck would have it, we were within 3 gates of our departure gate and a Fuddrucker's was directly ahead. Salvation in the form of a hamburger.... well, and toys.
Every time we fly, I always let the kids pick some inexpensive toy that they are ONLY allowed to open once we are at the gate, waiting for boarding. (I have found that it helps motivate them to get us all quickly through security and to the actual gate.) Typically, this takes the form of Legos for Devin and stuffed animals for the girls. This time, however, they decided on nanoblocks: think really tiny Legos and you've got it. I broke my own rule this time, and let them open it while we waited for our burgers.
With full bellies and toys, their good humor was quickly restored and before we knew it, it was time to board at our gate.
The airline prints the boarding time on the ticket... AND we have assigned seats. There is absolutely NO reason to crowd the gate or even try to get "in line". I know this... my KIDS know this... frequent fliers know this (I hope)... Apparently, no one told our fellow passengers.
Boarding was a fiasco. Seriously. The gate agents were run ragged. I have no idea what all these people were pestering them about. I saw one lady with 3 kids in tow lose it with one gate agent because she claimed the non-American gate agent couldn't understand her issue; she requested another gate agent help her. I think she wanted to board early but was denied. I'm sure she was just stressed traveling with 3 young kids.
We all know that First Class is boarded, well, first. Followed by Business Class, then those in wheelchairs, then Economy Class by group. Sometimes... but not always... families with young children are allowed to board with Business Class. We've all been there, right? I should have known then....
First, I have never seen so many wheelchairs headed for one flight. There must have been at least 15... and I know I tend to exaggerate, but NOT in this case. I should have counted them. I firmly believe that someone was taking advantage of the "I'm traveling with grandma/pa/mom/dad who absolutely 'must have' a wheelchair so we all get to board early" perk. Seriously. If the person had a limp or shuffled at all, I think they requested a wheelchair. There is NO WAY that many disabled people just happened to all book the same flight. It took an extra 20 minutes before "regular" boarding could continue. I should have known then....
We patiently waited our turn to board. As luck would have it, we were spotted by the same agent that helped us in the checked-baggage line. He smiled his apology for the the chaos and waved us ahead. Chivalry is not dead, people. It's out there. If you are kind to others it comes back to you at unexpected times.
I told the kids our row and off they went. We are the perfect candidates for the middle four seats and, as expected, that's where we were... toward the back of the plane. It's always interesting to hear the comments of my children as we pass through the luxury parts of first and business class. All that space, the seats that lay out to beds in flight, those lucky few already sipping on Champagne and reading a crisp newspaper... all of which we won't have back in economy.
We found our seats easily. The kids quickly stowed their backpacks, pulled out their earphones, and settled in to investigate the inflight entertainment options while the passengers around us jockeyed for overhead bin space.
I will never understand people who try to take more than their fair share. Greed. It's hard to watch; it's hard to stomach. Airlines (at least those that fly overseas) are actually very generous. We get TWO checked bags PLUS one carry on AND one personal item per person. That's basically two large and two small bags, if you think about it. There is no limitation on what constitutes a carry on other than size and weight. Your checked bags can be just about anything up to 50 lbs each. You could feasibly bring two full small suitcases into the cabin at 35 lbs each. Most of us CHOOSE to carry a purse or briefcase, but you could just slide it into a larger small bag with a bunch of other stuff.
So, it was during this time when I smelled it.... the unmistakable odor of vomit. In the chaos, some poor kid had "tossed his cookies" only one row up and one seat to the right of me. His mother quickly whisked him off to one of the onboard bathrooms.
I looked at my fellow passengers within a one or two seat radius to confirm what my nose was so surely telling me. We were all seated, buckled in... most of us with books already open or headphones already on.... most were totally oblivious to the drama which had just occurred. In fact, there was only one other passenger - a mom (also traveling with 3 kids and seated directly in front of me) - who seemed to be aware of anything amiss. We sat staring at each other in wonder and amazement.
This has never happened to me before. Judging by the look on my fellow passenger's face, it had never happened to her either. Since we were basically in the tail section of the plane, there were very few passengers still trying to reach the seats near us. I mouthed "What do we do?" She mouthed back, "I have no idea." We both looked for a flight attendant. Surely, they were trained for this?
Almost immediately, the flight attendant caught a whiff of the disaster (literally) and appeared out of nowhere. She asked both of us, "Where did this come from?" and we both pointed to the now empty seats across the way. She left us only momentarily to grab some freshly ground (unbrewed) coffee which she then poured over the whole of the mess. It cut the smell almost completely. However, there are some things that once smelled, you can not just... unsmell. Especially when your eyes are clearly telling your brain that the vomit is still UNDER all that coffee.... So I SWEAR it became more of a hint of vomit but with coffee overtones.
I should pause here to mention that Devin is especially sensitive to the smell of vomit. He comes by it honestly from this daddy. If he smells it, sees it... well, it's game over. He'll toss his cookies too. So I was grateful that he was seated in the far left side and completely oblivious. In fact, I credit the flight attendant's quick action with the coffee to saving the left side of the plane from a similar fate.
I sent a text to Lindsey to let him know we may be a bit delayed in departure.
I'm telling you.... I had lots of fair warning... I. Should. Have. Known....
It took about 45 minutes in all. The mother and son were taken off the flight, their luggage was found and removed both in the cabin and under the plane, some poor guy in an orange vest came and cleaned up the coffee/vomit. I'm still not sure how his title of "SUPERVISOR" gained him the short straw, but he got most of it up. There was a distinct brown wet spot for the duration of my time on that plane, however, and I never could quite convince myself that the smell was completely gone....
I'd like to say that from that point on, the flight got better, but I can't. Not really.
My section of the plane was full of families... or at least, mothers... flying with young children. In several cases, VERY young children. It's a 14.5 hour flight without delays. We had already spent an extra 45 minutes on the ground. My own children had confirmed that the movies were the same as the flight over; they were NOT amused. We settled in (again) and the plane took off.
Understandably, the crew was a little... off their game. They had just had to appease a fully loaded plane of passengers for 45 minutes on the ground AND deal with vomit; the first beverage service was a little later than usual. In addition, the in flight entertainment didn't boot properly and the USB ports and electrical plugs were not functional. This is a BIG issue on a flight this long as most of us are using e-readers and computers which will require charging at some point. To rectify this, the inflight entertainment required a full reboot of the system.... about an hour and a half into the flight: a point at which most of the passengers were deeply vested into a movie.
I have heard over 300 people all groan simultaneously. It's louder than you think...
Yup, I can check that one off my bucket list.
Soon, the beverage service was over (I had not one, but TWO glasses of wine!), dinner was also served and cleared...
I had the aisle seats so, of course, I was hit by the food/drink cart each and EVERY time it passed. Truly, by this point, I was almost expecting it. I knew by now, after all.... and the wine was working it's magic....
The crew "buttoned us up" which is to say they dimmed the cabin lights, asked the window seats to close their windows, and made sure everyone had a blanket for napping. Someone forgot to inform the two toddlers about 3 rows up, however.... about the napping part.
Really... I wasn't even surprised that they screamed and squealed for a good portion of the flight. I mean seriously, don't you remember being two? Who wants to nap when you have 12 remaining hours of a captive audience? It would have been nice if the mom had made a token effort at appeasing them, but she just spread out over their three adjoining seats, laid down, and fell promptly asleep. They ran up and down the aisles right over the coffee/vomit spot in their socks.
I like to picture her at her destination wondering about the source of the smell emulating from those socks. I'm not kidding; I guess I have a little bit of a mean streak in me.
Now, I would like to make a statement.. an observation, if you will... about flying. There are choices when you fly. You can choose your airline, your departure time, your seat, your level of service. It's completely up to you at the time of booking. If you want First Class service, by all means buy a first class seat. If, however, you buy an economy seat, then don't expect the flight attendant to be at your beck and call for the entire flight.
Someone forgot to tell the family traveling directly to my right. Seriously. They pushed the "attendant button" at least once every hour. I know, because there just isn't must aisle space and I was bumped each time she came over. I woke up to the sight of a rounded derrière in a pencil skirt a mere half inch from my face over and over again. I couldn't help but overhear. They wanted more blankets, a different pillow, could she please fetch something out of their bag in the overhead bin, they wanted water WITH ice, but sprite withOUT ice. The coffee was too strong, the tea too hot. You name it; they requested it or complained about it. They had ordered ONE of the "special" meals (which the attendants usually deliver first before the rest of us are served), but wanted all 6 of their meals to be brought simultaneously, early.... with drinks. Yeah... they were THOSE people... (not surprisingly, they were completely unaware of the vomit situation during that portion of the flight. I know because they stopped one of the attendants to ask why it was taking so long to leave the gate. Seriously... only one row up from them was the coffee covered mess and they were clueless!)
I was perturbed on behalf of our sweet flight attendant! She handled each and every request with professionalize and politeness, but I can just imagine she was throwing imaginary darts from her position in the very back. I think the last straw (at least for me) would have been when the mom paged the attendant to retrieve her hair clip that she had dropped somewhere at her feet; she was in the middle seat. Both me and the flight attendant raised our eyebrows at that one. I would have had some biting retort, but that's not what happened. Instead, the lady was very politely informed that she would have to do that for herself.
Our pilots must have found the "sweet spot" at our cruising altitude because we somehow managed to land in Abu Dhabi on time! We were completely spent, but Lindsey was waiting for us in the lounge.
We actually made record time through baggage claim, customs, and immigration... in my opinion. Only 45 minutes. It did take two porters to help with all our luggage as the kids were WAY beyond the "we can do this" mentality. One short cab ride and we somehow managed to manhandle all the luggage into one elevator for our building.
Lindsey had the best surprise waiting... fresh flowers and dessert! He's so awesome; I ate two!
I've had a shower. Now... to unpack. And start the agony that is jet lag.
The kids are wide awake, of course.
I should have known.....
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